Dirty Laundry

One small basket of dirty laundry and our motorcycle gear. These are the only items we left our home with. These were our entire worldly belongings.

We lost our house to toxic black mold. You can read our story on our black mold page.

When we found the mold, my husband thought he would clean the mold from our house and we would go home in three or four days. He brought our dirty laundry basket and our motorcycle gear so we would have clothing for the week.

Little did we know, we would never return to our home. These items were all that were left from our life together on the farm. We lost family heirlooms, wedding photos, everything, all that was left were a few remnants.

It was a hard thing to face, still is. We lost our home and everything we owned. We were living with my in-laws.

We had each other and that was what was important. We had discovered the source of our sickness and it could no longer poison us.

I was grateful for my in-laws who opened their home to us. They took us in and gave us a place to stay.

Even though we had a place to sleep at night, we were homeless. We were living in someone else’s home, using someone else’s things, with nothing to call our own.

We had two dogs, who were outside dogs. We had no choice but to moved them in with us. My inlaws had two inside dogs. Of course the dogs did not get along and would fight to the point of drawing blood.

We were living in a house with six adults, my husband’s two aunts live with the family, and four dogs. The house was nothing, if not chaotic.

Each room of the house was full of my inlaws things, as it should be, it was there house. There was no place to sit and relax.

We spent most of the time hiding in our bedroom, with our two dogs, that is when the aunts were not walking in and out to get cleaning supplies and linens that were stored in our room.

There was no place to go to get away.

Our family would have done anything for us and they did. But we were still homeless. I grieved our life. I grieved our home.

They were willing to let us stay as long as we needed, but after 5 months….they were ready for us to leave.

One day as I was getting ready for work God revealed to me that this is how children in the foster care system must feel. Displaced, unwanted, dirty laundry.

They are plucked from their homes with little to no personal belongings. They are placed into someone else’s home, who is willing to take them in, but the fact remains that they too are homeless.

They may be grateful for a place to stay, but they are grieving their home in their heart. They miss it.

They are stressed, they are angry. They experience all of the emotions I was currently facing.

The homes they are placed in are not their own. They do not feel comfortable, there is no space they can call their own. They may or may not feel like they can relax in the environment in which they are staying.

No matter how loving the foster family, it is not their home. God broke my heart that day. It broke for those children.

I understood a small smidgen of what they go through. I was lucky enough to live with family, yet so many of these children are placed with strangers.

We had thought about fostering before. I understand now, that if we do foster a child, no matter what we do or how much we love them, they will have to go through the grieving process. They will be said and depressed.

I learned that if we foster children, we need to make our home as inviting as possible. It needs to be free of clutter, it needs to be a clean space. If they are allergic to animals, I need to make sure my home is free of dander.

If we foster children I want our home to be inviting. While I would want to keep my house clutter free, I don’t want it so pristine they are afraid to touch anything. I want them to be able to relax on the furniture or play in the house without fear.

I may not understand why this is happening to us, why we had to go through is trial, or why God had us repeat our trial, in our second home (you can read that here ) but I know God will use this time in our lives to help others. I know there are lessons to be learned from our trials.

Perhaps one reason we went through these experiences is to learn what it is like for foster children or orphans. Perhaps God is preparing our hearts to welcome children in the future?

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